Our Infertility Story

Infertility…

The title says it all, so if you're here just for cake, I’ll catch you for the next post. Let me introduce myself a little more, then we will get to the Big I and how that relates to our adoption story. 

**Sorry it has been so long since my first post! We were in home study craziness mode and I am THRILLED to say 

WE ARE HOME STUDY APPROVED!!!

Hi, my name is Aneli and from a tiny age, I have always had a nurturing instinct, for both adults and other children. I took care of baby dolls constantly, was obsessed with my little sisters, and had a saint of a bunny that was the sweetest creature on earth and literally let me dress her up in baby clothes and push her around in a baby stroller (under my mom’s supervision of course). I just love taking care of other people, and as I grew, my natural talent for taking care of children became more and more apparent. Parents in my neighborhood started asking me to sit for their kids, and soon I had a sweet little monopoly on the babysitting business in our subdivision. 

My other passion is performing, and I ended up going to college to study performing and fell in love with opera. I was burned out at the end of college, lost in what my next step should be, and needed a break in a big way. Enter, my first nanny job. It was something I could do in the daytime while I went to rehearsals at night, and I loved it! One part time job led to a full time job. Soon, I had helped raise more newborns (and older kids too, but young babies are usually what I am hired to do) than many parents even dream of. I loved my job, and was a natural at it, along with helping people run their houses. I love being a stay at home mom AND getting paid for it. 

It was kind of a given that I would have my own kids, and before I met my wife, I even considered doing it on my own because I was tired of waiting. When I met Aya, I was so glad I waited! Because being a mom was something I was always going to do, we talked about it early on and were both excited having children together someday! Just FYI—she cannot carry or do reciprocal IVF due to some medical concerns, which was just fine with me because I have always wanted to be pregnant. 

We got married in March and by May we were sitting in our first appointment at our fertility doctor. We didn’t want to waste any time, and wanted to be sure that we had plenty of time to get pregnant if it took a while, and boy were we in for a surprise. At that appointment I was diagnosed with severe endometriosis and a huge fibroid in my uterus and I had a super painful HSG to further diagnose any issues. I was sent home with an order for blood work, and that is what changed the whole course of our story.

I had my AMH tests done (essentially a test that measures how many eggs you have left and their quality) A normal level for a woman in her late 20s-early 30s is 1.5-4.0, mine was a devastating 0.3!!! I had the same AMH as a typical woman in her 50’s. My doctor and nurse were hopeful though, reminding me you just needed one good egg. I was young and healthy and they told us to go ahead with IUI (intrauterine insemination) and see what happens. We excitingly chose a Filipino donor since my wife is from the Philippines. We thought about baby names, wondered what our baby would look like, poured over the baby pictures of our donor, and excitedly waited for our first IUI to be scheduled. Then our second. And so on. I have extremely regular cycles and one month I was 5 days late and absolutely sure I was pregnant. I peed on so many things it was basically my part time job. But, as with every month, it always became clear that once again I wasn’t pregnant. 

I was tired of having things stuck inside my body every other day, I was tired of taking medicine, I was tired of crying or being angry for no reason, I was tired of literally flushing money down the toilet at the end of the cycle when my period started, I was just tired. 

I called my nurse in tears after our final IUI failed, and she told me while we still were welcome to continue IUIs, and they did have success with some patients, she thought with my low AMH that the best bet would be IVF—to the tune of about $25-30K depending on my medicine plan and dosage. We were devastated. We had already spent about $10K at this point between the treatments, the extra ultrasounds and HSG, and the meds that I needed—not a single thing of all of this covered by my insurance. 

All this was so hard. Didn’t I deserve to be a parent—especially after doing such an excellent job raising so many tiny humans? Was it too much for me to ask of the universe that I could have just one child that I get to bring home at the end of the day and not hand over to their actual parents? How was it that karma couldn’t come back to me for this after my years of doing good in children’s lives. I have always wanted to be pregnant and give birth and experience that empowering part of being a woman. After many, many, maaaany tearful conversations grieving my lack of having a baby the “easy way” we decided to pursue other options. We found a known donor and tried with him as well with the same result, same tears when the test was negative every time, same frustration at my body for not just doing what is was made to do. We were hoping for a huge family in a few years. That was not our destiny in life, and once we accepted that fact, things felt better.

To make this clear, adoption was NEVER our last resort, it was just something we thought would happen later rather than sooner.  

How we arrived at adoption was easy. Aya’s brother is adopted and my mother grew up in the foster system when her parents both died when she was young. Adoption and foster care was always the eventual plan. We didn’t even seriously consider IVF as a choice because we had always planned for adoption eventually. 

So that brings us here, to adoptionland and all the craziness that brings (a HUGE post for another day). Our journey has not been without drama, craziness, and many tears. We have struggled with a failed match that devastated us when it didn’t work out. However, we believe that our little one is still out there, we are sure of it. So here we are, madly in love with a child we have never even met.

In the meantime, cooking, waiting, and wishing… 

See you next time for a food post! Here’s a teaser!

Until then, wishing you all a full heart and stomach! 

Hello! I brought cake!

Hello and welcome to the first post of The Waiting Table! 
Pull up a chair and have a seat!

(I know, it’s lame, but I had to say it at least once) 

My name is Aneli (Ah-nuh-lee) and I am just a funny plus-sized gal who loves cooking, glitter, iced coffee, and the color pink! I live in Atlanta with my wife, our two dogs, and our cat. And hopefully someday soon, a little baby or two. 

I started this blog as a way to cope with the ups and downs that infertility and a future adoption have brought into our lives (more on all that in my next blog post). When I get stressed, sad, or anxious, I cook. I thought sharing my passion for cooking with others would be a fun way to pass the time while waiting to meet our future little one! This blog is a passion project for me, and more than that, it’s my therapy. My world has been turned upside down in the past few years: infertility and adoption have been life-changing, and I needed a way to cope with the stress of it all. Feeding people is my love language and I can't wait to share that love with all of you! 

I intend for this blog to be mostly other chef’s recipes that I have loved, with a few of my own signature recipes mixed in. I would love to hear any of your suggestions as well! I am always on the hunt for my next favorite chef or cookbook! 

So, in celebration of my very first blog entry, I decided to make CAKE!!! More specifically, Momofuku Milk Bar's Birthday Layer Cake. 

I have made this cake before and I loved it! It’s beautiful, with just a hint of salt (which is perfect, I promise), creamy frosting, and crunchy cookie truffles that I have a habit of eating
burning hot right out of the oven.

This beauty makes an impression any time it enters a tablescape. Small but mighty, this cake is so decadent that a thin slice is all you need. It makes a great middle of the night snack too—just sayin’. 

The process is not short, but the payoff is definitely worth it.

I am a big fan of reading through the entire recipe before I start anything, and I like to measure my ingredients out ahead of time so I know I am using the proper amounts.

The process itself is pretty straightforward, although there are many steps! 

If you have a KitchenAid (this mixer is truly one of my great loves!) this is the PERFECT time to dust it off and give it a twirl. 

I will definitely be doing a post on eggs in the future, but trust me when I say, go for the "good eggs" (my favorites are Vital Farms) for this recipe! Your cake will thank you! 

Do people make cakes and not taste test the batter? Serious question...

Pouring the cake batter into the pan and then covering it with tooooons of sprinkles is always super satisfying, and wait until you see the end result! So pretty!!!

Fitzgerald loves that I can be a little clumsy in the kitchen. 

While the cake bakes, you whip up the cream cheese frosting and the cookie crumbles. 

So yummy! 

Feeding my photographer (AKA my wife, Aya)

Some people do round, ball shaped crumbles and some do jagged ones like I did here. I have done it either way, and I don't think it makes too much of a difference. It really just depends what type of look you are going for! 

LOOK AT ALL THAT SPRINKLY GOODNESS!!!!

Now, for the assembly...

I personally like to use some of the extra cake scraps on the top edges. I think it gives it a festive look, but many people just use the crumbles. The best part about this cake is how easy and fun it is to make it totally your own! 

Then you stick this beauty into the freezer for a few hours (I like to do it overnight to

 really set it properly--but this time I cheated and only did a few hours. I'll show you why you should do as I say, not as a I do in a minute). 

Clooney is not so patiently waiting for the finished product. He is the most discerning cake critic besides for maybe Paul Hollywood (Great British Baking Show anyone?!)

The moment of truth!

Make sure you use a large and strong spatula for the transfer. This baby is not light! 

YUM! 

Although this cake is beautiful, here is where you can really see that I didn't freeze it properly. It doesn't stay in its lovely layers like it has for me in the past. Do not, do not, do not skip the longer freeze. It does matter! 

Thanks so much for reading and helping me bring my love of cooking alive! I will be back in a few days with another post!

Until then, wishing you all a full heart and stomach!
Aneli

Momofuku Milk Bar's Birthday Layer Cake

INGREDIENTS

Cake:

Nonstick vegetable oil spray

2 cups cake flour

1½ teaspoons baking powder

¾ teaspoon kosher salt

¼ cup plus 2 tablespoons rainbow sprinkles, divided

½ cup buttermilk

⅓ cup grapeseed oil

2 teaspoons clear imitation vanilla extract, preferably McCormick brand

1¼ cups granulated sugar

⅓ cup vegetable shortening

4 tablespoons (½ stick) unsalted butter, room temperature

3 tablespoons light brown sugar

3 large eggs

Crumbs:

¾ cup cake or all-purpose flour

½ cup granulated sugar

2 tablespoons light brown sugar

2 tablespoons rainbow sprinkles

½ teaspoon baking powder

½ teaspoon kosher salt

¼ cup grapeseed oil

1 tablespoon clear imitation vanilla extract

For the frosting and assembly:

½ cup (1 stick) unsalted butter, room temperature

¼ cup vegetable shortening

2 ounces cream cheese, room temperature

2 tablespoons light corn syrup

1 tablespoon plus 1 teaspoon clear imitation vanilla extract, divided

1¼ cups powdered sugar

½ teaspoon kosher salt

¼ teaspoon baking powder

⅛ teaspoon citric acid (or ½ teaspoon fresh lemon juice)

¼ cup milk

Special equipment:

6" cake ring or springform mold

2 strips acetate (flexible plastic paper), each 3" wide and 20" long

RECIPE PREPARATION

Cake:

Preheat oven to 350°. Line a 13x9" rimmed baking sheet with parchment paper and coat with nonstick spray; set aside.

Whisk flour, baking powder, salt, and ¼ cup sprinkles in a large bowl. Combine buttermilk, oil, and vanilla in a medium bowl.

Using an electric mixer on medium-high, beat granulated sugar, shortening, butter, and light brown sugar in another large bowl until light and fluffy, about 4 minutes. Add eggs one at a time, beating to blend between additions and occasionally scraping down sides and bottom of bowl. Continue to beat mixture, occasionally scraping down sides and bottom of bowl, until almost doubled in volume and very light, airy, and pale yellow, about 4 minutes.

With mixer on low, add buttermilk mixture until incorporated. Add dry ingredients, beating until just combined, about 1 minute.

Scrape batter into prepared pan; smooth top. Sprinkle with remaining 2 Tbsp. sprinkles. Bake until cake is light golden brown, the center springs back when gently pressed, and a tester inserted into the center comes out with a few moist crumbs attached, 30–35 minutes.

Remove cake from oven and cool on a wire rack or, in a pinch, in the fridge or freezer (don’t worry, it’s not cheating).

Do ahead: Store cooled cake wrapped in plastic in fridge up to 5 days.

Crumbs:

Preheat oven to 300°. Line a rimmed baking sheet with parchment paper; set aside.

Combine flour, granulated sugar, light brown sugar, sprinkles, baking powder, and salt in a medium bowl. Add oil and vanilla, and using your hands, mix until no dry spots remain and large clumps form when mixture is pressed together. As though you were making a crumble topping, break mixture up into clusters (some small, some large) and spread onto prepared baking sheet. Bake, stirring occasionally, until crumble is light golden brown and crunchy, 10–12 minutes (it will firm up as it cools). Let cool completely.

Do ahead: Wrap crumbs tightly in plastic and store at room temperature up to 5 days.

Frosting and assembly:

Combine butter, shortening, and cream cheese in large bowl of a stand mixer fitted with the paddle attachment. Beat on medium-high until mixture is smooth and fluffy, 2–3 minutes. Scrape down sides of bowl and slowly stream in corn syrup and 1 Tbsp. vanilla. Beat until mixture is silky smooth and glossy white, about 3 minutes.

Scrape down sides of bowl and, with mixer on low, add powdered sugar, salt, baking powder, and citric acid until just combined. Increase speed to medium-high and beat until you have a brilliant stark white, beautifully smooth frosting, about 4 minutes (it should look just like it came out of a plastic tub at the grocery store!).

Do ahead: Store frosting in an airtight container in fridge up to 1 week.

For the assembly:

Place a silicone baking mat or piece of parchment on a counter. Invert cake onto mat, then peel off parchment. Use cake ring to punch out two 6" rounds from cake (or, using a springform pan as a guide, cut out 2 rounds using a paring knife). These are your top 2 cake layers (the remaining cake scraps will form the bottom layer of the cake).

Line a sheet pan with a clean piece of parchment. Clean cake ring and place it in center of the pan. Use 1 acetate strip to line inside of cake ring. Place cake scraps inside ring and use the back of your hand to press scraps together into a flat, even layer (you never see this layer, so it’s okay that it’s messy—but since it’s the base of the cake, it needs to be flat).

Combine milk and remaining 1 tsp. vanilla in a small bowl. Dunk a pastry brush in milk mixture and use half of it to generously moisten the base layer.

Use the back of a spoon to spread about 3 Tbsp. frosting evenly over cake. Sprinkle ⅔ cup birthday crumbs evenly over frosting. Use the back of your hand to press them in place. Use the back of a spoon to spread another 3 Tbsp. frosting as evenly as possible over crumbs.

With your index finger, gently tuck second acetate strip between cake ring and the top ¼" of the first acetate strip, so that you have a clear ring of acetate 5–6" tall—high enough to support the height of the finished cake. Top with a cake round (if 1 of your 2 cake rounds is less pretty than the other, use it for the middle layer and save the most perfect one for the top). Brush layer with remaining milk mixture. Repeat frosting-crumb layering process.

Nestle remaining cake round into frosting. Cover top of cake with remaining frosting. Use an offset spatula to form decorative swirls, or do as they do at Milk Bar and shape it into a perfectly flat top. 

Top with remaining birthday crumbs.

Transfer cake to freezer and freeze at least 3 hours to set cake and filling.

At least 3 hours before serving the cake, pull sheet pan out of freezer and, using your fingers and thumbs, pop cake out of cake ring. Gently peel off acetate and transfer cake to a platter or cake stand. 

Defrost in fridge at least 3 hours.

Do ahead: Cake will keep up to 2 weeks in freezer or 5 days in refrigerator (Yeah, right!)

http://video.bonappetit.com/watch/sweet-spots-momofuku-milk-bar-s-secret-to-rich-and-crumbly-birthday-cake